Hefner Is 83...On Calenders Only

CLEVELAND - Happy birthday, Mr. Hefner. May you continue to live well, long and prosper. And may the rest of us be so lucky!

You're amazing.

Hugh M. Hefner, the legendary founder of Playboy magazine and each of its related entities celebrates his 83rd birthday today, though the "actual" celebration took place this past weekend at the Palms Resort and Casino in Las Vegas. Hefner's former triumvirate of girlfriends, Holly Madison, Kendra Wilkinson and Bridget Marquardt (the stars of TV's The Girls Next Door) threw him a bash at the popular Vegas location complete with a pool party.

This was the publishing magnate's first face-to-face encounter with Madison since their highly-publicized break-up last year, which left Hef sullen and heartbroken. Alas, he softened the pain by acquiring teen twin bombshells Karissa and Kristina Shannon and most recently, 22-year old blonde stunner Crystal Harris (pictured above with Hefner).

The iconic mogul said he was "very, very happy" at the turnout of present and past loves and acknowledges that he's "had a life well lived with much satisfaction." That may be one of the biggest understatements of all-time, given his more than half-century of jetsetting all over the world and maintaining a harem of very young, nubile and sexually charged women in his stable. His vast wealth and celebrity have made his life a real fairy tale, with his legendary Playboy Mansion serving as a "magic kingdom."

That's why Hef is only 83 on the calendar; no true octogenarian has ever lived a life this full of debauchery and carnal privilege. He is the master of hedonism and in my estimation, the greatest male in Earth's history.

I salute you again Hef! You are the man! Enjoy your day, sir.